the other end...

i usually have myself having the problems with someone... but now i see from a different view.

a view where i am the problem... or at least i feel like im the problem... the change and worries...

*sigh i dont like either ends... they both have their majorly bad down sides...

when will it end..

and how am i gonna do tht when this person wont co-operate...

*sigh this is like MAJOR BAD KARMA O.o

and do i deserve this? "Totally"

what can i say about this..: its not easy.. *sigh

i remember on my old blog... i just wanted all this arguing with tht person to end and become friends again...and it did end (hopefully for good) and were friends again, so glad =)

but the thing is tht even if i get wht i wanted from than... it seems as if i can't maintain a life without arguing...

seriously i need a break...

i just want it to all end

...now...

The Greatest Gift

since yesterday i've been ignoring my mom and such but *sigh i've forgiven her...

but i kinda forgot when something made me happy, made me forgot all my troubles!

Its the greatest gift that no present a person gave would be better and i mean it!


a card... to me yes, a card is the greatest gift you can give a person and today i got one that made me melt...made me really happy and
there it is on the left.


On the back its just a few simple words saying Happy Holidays from that family =)


i mean it, i could barely stand when i saw it... i was like oh my gosh... it made me soo happy inside.


it filled me up with soo much joy i was happy all day and couldnt get mad at the kids even when they did something bad...


seriously no christmas present can EVER top a card! especially one like this =)

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towards me when people say they feel bad, that they dont kno what to get. a card is enough even if i get them a gift. i can never ask for anything more but ur words of kindness for the holiday in that card.

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well i remember on saturday, i went to the chinese christmas dinner at church and i very much enjoyed it =)

the acting and people speaking "cantonese", which i nvr heard them speak it before till that saturday, sounded great XP

ohh as well during that day as well as i was going home... i saw a shooting star..

it was very iunno pretty!

and it made me remember as a child i'd wish i would see one but i didnt till that saturday and NO i didnt wish on it XP

but if i were to... i'd wish that this upcoming year there wont be too many hardships. there wouldnt be much arguing, awkwardness, and no fighting...

now that would be the greatest gift along with the cards as well thats going to be my resolution too...

stay out of all this drama this year and do something meaningful instead of arguing.

So what can i say but the greatest gift doesnt always have to be during christmas but thru out the year as well ^^ well 4 more days =D

Merry Early Christmas!

family equal

did u ever think that someone you've known forever gave a fricken care for u?

i really thot this person would care the most... i really thot my mom would care the most...

today i asked randomly, if i ever moved out wht would she do? and shes like "nothing i wouldnt care... go ahead and u can go ahead and move out..." i felt soo much pain just today...

i thot she cared... i dont get it... i thot parents would always love you even if u move away... i kno its a random question asking her...

but this isnt the first time she answered it like tht... i've asked her before and its the exact same answer... im really starting to believe she means it... it really hurts thinking she wouldnt care...

but than again im not surprised... not really... i remember this when i was a child and when i heard it... it made me cry for soo many days... when i was little... my dad said he didnt want me but he wanted agnes... and it made me hurt... but than my moms like i want agnes... take ankie...

it hurt soo much knowing that my parents thot me as a handful and wanting agnes... fighting over her and thats y i have always hated it... hated everything she got...

i've always been jealous of her cuz everyone in our family always liked her just cuz shes smart and she looked cute.

and what was i? a little brat that had problems with her body that caused my parents money...

back than i was sensitive and i still am... its not fair...

i've heard it my whole life... why cant u be as smart as agnes... and all this crap that came along with it...

sometimes i wonder am i that much of a hassle for people...?

i wonder y i have to grow into a family that chooses favourites... i hate it... sometimes i wonder how it'd actually be like if i did leave... would my mom actually be alright... would she actually not care...

i hate it... i really thot i had a place in this family...

even the closest person in my family is slowly moving away from me and moving closer to her friends...

i hate being soo neglected by this so called family...

thankful

i have such encouraging, poetic, thoughtful sibling...

[not my real ones... unfortunately T.T]

My mui made something up and it really made me happy... [i have more than one mui.. guess which one XP]

it made me realize this couldnt happen in a dream cuz my mind cant make up such thoughtful things that can make me realize wht i have is important...

cuz God gave it...

and i keep on forgetting... losing sight of him...

but i keep wishing i had something else but do i really want something else...

wht more can God give when he already gave me everything.

can i not just be happy with wht i have...?

i cant understand y im not satisfied... [note: need tht mentor soon]

but when someone gives you something... something that encourages u.. u just feel thankful...

i truly feel soo thankful this persons in my life...

tears of happiness over flows me inside and out for her...

*hugs if u read it mui*

Every wish for something different,
Every hope for a change,
Every thought of just one chance to change something,
Everything i hope for, dream for, live for, makes me, me.

No matter what i wish was different, changeable really deep inside, i don't want to change a bit because i know this is God's way of making me, molding me, into what he want's me to be.

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"So insted of thinking of what could of been and focus more on what can be."

thanx mui =)