family equal
did u ever think that someone you've known forever gave a fricken care for u?
i really thot this person would care the most... i really thot my mom would care the most...
today i asked randomly, if i ever moved out wht would she do? and shes like "nothing i wouldnt care... go ahead and u can go ahead and move out..." i felt soo much pain just today...
i thot she cared... i dont get it... i thot parents would always love you even if u move away... i kno its a random question asking her...
but this isnt the first time she answered it like tht... i've asked her before and its the exact same answer... im really starting to believe she means it... it really hurts thinking she wouldnt care...
but than again im not surprised... not really... i remember this when i was a child and when i heard it... it made me cry for soo many days... when i was little... my dad said he didnt want me but he wanted agnes... and it made me hurt... but than my moms like i want agnes... take ankie...
it hurt soo much knowing that my parents thot me as a handful and wanting agnes... fighting over her and thats y i have always hated it... hated everything she got...
i've always been jealous of her cuz everyone in our family always liked her just cuz shes smart and she looked cute.
and what was i? a little brat that had problems with her body that caused my parents money...
back than i was sensitive and i still am... its not fair...
i've heard it my whole life... why cant u be as smart as agnes... and all this crap that came along with it...
sometimes i wonder am i that much of a hassle for people...?
i wonder y i have to grow into a family that chooses favourites... i hate it... sometimes i wonder how it'd actually be like if i did leave... would my mom actually be alright... would she actually not care...
i hate it... i really thot i had a place in this family...
even the closest person in my family is slowly moving away from me and moving closer to her friends...
i hate being soo neglected by this so called family...
2 comments:
Hey Ankie, you know, I feel a need in speaking up here. Why? Because I used to feel like I was being favourtize against by my parents. I used to feel like they gave both my brothers more than they did me. I felt unloved, uncared, and neglected when I was young.
But you know, someone very wise once told me, "you are who you are, you shouldn't compare Will Kwan with your brothers. No matter what, they can't be Will Kwan."
So, in this situation, don't compared yourself with your sister. So what if they think Agnes is smarter than you? You know, I've always praised about your maturity to the people around me. I've always praised about how mature you are for your age, more mature than so many other people. There's so much more in Ankie Lin than I may know, but I'm sure that this Ankie Lin is more than that.
Remember, people will always love you for who you are. They will not hate you for who you are not. And if it means anything, I'll always be your ah deh and would never turn against you.
So until we chat, I hope you take care of yourself. Please don't beat yourself over this. There's always a rainbow at the end of the storm. Everything will be okay. *HUGZ*
=D Gaaaaa Jyeee!!!!!! *hug* I want you~! Your so sweet and nice! =P you'll forever be the sisteri never had and i'll always luv ya! *kiss* you rock, don't ever change! (XD yes.. it's from lizie mcguier) Merry Christmas Ankie jyee.
Luv ya!!!
Mui
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